sometimes i feel this way

i want my mommy

trying not to be a failure

so i ended up going to david's place on monday, and i ended up staying all the way until friday morning, when i had to leave for work and he had to leave for the airport. so now he's back in oregon and i won't be seeing him again until tuesday or wednesday. which sucks.

i had my meeting with elizabeth and krystal. apparently i have to have all of the cleaning done by noon. that's THREE HOURS to clean up after about THIRTY FIVE rabbits! (not possible.) so now i have to starting going in at 8 instead of 9 (waking up up at 6. yay.) and working super fast. (might need more stimulants.) also, we're changing shifts. i'll be working sunday, monday and tuesday. the shelter is closed on monday, so i don't have to get done by noon, and tuesday is generally less busy than the weekend.

i have to get better or else i'm in trouble. i'm still not very employable, and have nowhere to go if i'm not.

...

so i've been wanting to post pictures, and since i am mentioning my work, i might as well share some of the pictures i've taken of some of the bunnies. these were taken in october and november of last year:

nicholas

rachel - adopted

stardust

d'artagnon

temperance - adopted

javelin - adopted

roger - adopted

taylor (left) went home with that cute little netherland dwarf

rain

hans

bunnie and clyde

cyrano

i am a failure at life

i don't want to write about what is going on with krystal (the other animal care person at my work) and elizabeth (my boss.) i don't want to because it keeps going through my head and i'm just sick of it and i really want it to stop. i also really want to see david, because seeing him always makes me feel better, but i can't. i don't know when i'll get to see him again, because he is studying for his finals and he said he didn't know when he wanted me to come over again. he's leaving on friday and i really wanted to spend some time with him before he left. i'm going to miss him and i'm already missing him because i haven't seen him since wednesday. and that's long enough to start missing him.

i'm so depressed. i've spent most of the day laying in bed, either half asleep or crying.

so krystal is complaining that i'm not getting enough work done before the day that she goes in, and this time she complained to elizabeth. yesterday, i worked hard and to the point that my entire body was in extreme pain. i really really didn't want to give up my ride home to stay after and get all of the extra things done. now she says that i "only do the bare minimum of the basic chores" which isn't even true. i don't have the time or energy to do more than i've been doing.

now i am certain (before i was just unsure) that elizabeth doesn't like me, and i'm so scared of her that i want to cry, even right now, even though i don't have to see her again till friday.

i wish so bad that i could talk to someone, but david is the only one i can talk to.

the creepy sand face castle

so on tuesday, tara, my best friend from portland (and stanford), was coming through berkeley in her travels and stopped to spend the day with me. we went to muir beach, which is up in the marin headlands, north of san francisco. we also went out for pizza, stopped at safeway, and then went back to my place for a sleepover. early the next morning, she went to the airport to fly off to hawaii. from there she will get on a boat and spend five weeks doing some sort of ocean research related to her studies. apparently the reefs are turning to acid or something.

it was fun to spend some time with her again, since we hadn't spent much time together in the last four or five years. while at the beach, i took some pictures of course (you may want to click for larger views):

ick. i look bad.

tara looks better, even though the lighting isn't great

cute border collie

yes, there does appear to be a dead bird in the background of this picture of a bird

look at this interesting house, with its many windows for ocean views

there were lots of fancy houses

pretty waves

look, a boat

fishing?

so our sand castle/village endeavor started with this little castle we found that someone else had made:

clearly created with a mold

we moved farther down to wetter sand, and started our creation. somehow, this first building's odd shape and towers ended up looking like some sort of creepy face. i realized this once i made the door that looked like a mouth. i then added some eyes just for fun.

i added some bushes outside this sand building, which only made is creepier.

creepy sand face

tara made an entrance thingy

the dead crab leg was a little disturbing

then tara made this one:

and i made this one:

tara made another building, we added a wall, and i made a bushy/grassy/forresty area

and then i made a mountain

mountain behind the village

we lined the road to the other castle with rocks/boulders

must go through dead crab leg gate to enter or exit

it's a long road to creepy-face village

then, this fluffy dog peed on my mountain

and last but not least, a funny dog action shot: